Porch Madness 2025 - Elite Eight

The Games (Elite Eight), and Requiem for the Vols

Unless you live under a rock, you already know that the biggest story line is that all four one seeds won. The only other time this happened? 2008. The stock market is also looking rather 08-ish (tariffs, anyone?), so we’ll keep an eye on this for further statistical analysis and correlation.

All four one seeds winning was a bummer for a lot of reasons. It meant further doomsday predictions about the fate of college athletics. It meant more of Jay Bilas grinning smugly. But perhaps worst of all, it meant the end of the road for the 2024-2025 Tennessee Volunteers.

I loved this team. In the transfer portal era, watching Ziegler and Mayshack in orange for four years was such a blessing. Of course, my affection for Jordan Gainey is well-documented. And I’ll miss Chaz and Igor, and fine, even Dubar, too.

Rick and the boys have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. They won thirty games, went 16-1 at home, finished runner-up in the SEC tournament, and made just the third Elite Eight in school history. Here’s to Felix and Igor hopefully coming back next year and falling in love with Bishop Boswell.

The Picks

John Creel remains atop our standings after the Elite Eight with 1030 points. JC “Crimpy” Hunt is close behind with 990 points. Reigning champ Jake Simpson is tied for third with Ryan “Nayr” Neal at 970 points.

Nayr has replaced Creel as our new March Madness “Oracle.” He rose to third place in the Elite Eight by correctly predicting all four games.

Note that a list of the potential winners of our pool under each possible outcome from here was sent to the Porch Madness 2025 group text earlier today.

Notable & Quotable (Limited this round, everyone was depressed re. Vols)

“Chilis not having the elite 8 on to have every single TV on Oklahoma women’s getting run outta the gym in the sweet 16. Fuck this town.” – Charley

“I’d like Nate Oates to die on court at halftime.” – Baby

Potpourri

Jim Nantz’s Shitlist (last place): Andy Brock is at the top of Jim Nantz’s shitlist entering the Final Four. However, it appears that if Duke wins tonight, Andy will escape the shitlist and Ders will finish atop the list for this year.

Battle of the Mississippi River: The East has taken the lead over the Cowpokes by a score of 855 points to 826.7 points, but this one will likely come down to the wire.

Battle of the Proletariat and Bourgeoisie (pending continued Dept. of Education funding): It appears that we have accepted the Poverty of Low Expectations: Private School Grads 856, Public School Grads 830.

The Hunt Brothers Classic (Matt vs JC): Older brother 990, Younger brother 830. BUT, if the Dukies win it all, younger brother has a chance.

Shirts vs Skins (Ders vs Sew): Sew has retaken the lead with 750 points to Ders’ 700. I believe Sew will win on the year no matter what, as Ders took the Alma mater to win it all.

Editor’s Corner (me vs my wife): Holy crap – I’ve taken the lead! Bennett 900, Sarah 770. BUT, similar to the Hunt Brothers Classic, if Duke wins it all, I think I’m toast.

Editor’s Notes and Corrections

While John Creel has announced he is moving back to Knoxville (congrats John!), he will be included in the West for purposes of the Battle of the Mississippi River for the duration of this year’s pool.

With that, I leave you all to the penultimate round of Madness.

Preparing to say unholy things about Chad Baker Mazara, I remain yours,

Neece