2026 Pre-Draft Thoughts From Daniel Seward

“Sewcond Place”

A historical analysis and first-hand eye witness to key events regarding the DNFG Fantasy Football league and its managers. This record is 100% true and not at all written solely from one person’s view sharing 1/16 of the league's opinion. 

As I sit in my Chicago studio apartment (450 sq. ft. and extremely overpriced) I can’t help but notice I have everything you could ask for.

- For one, I am still in my athletic prime as seen by my ability to do improv twice a week (unpaid). 

-Two, I am betrothed to a former D1 athlete, and I’m very excited about the prospect of not having to pay for my children's college education as I plan to be an overbearing Father with unrealistic athletic demands that will in no way impact our relationship or their emotional maturation years later.

-Three, I have tons of cash. Like the Vols, I also sold rights to First Horizon and let them brand me like a cow with their logo now seared into the flesh on my torso. 

So as you can see, I’m doing great. I’m definitely not already planning on trying my first Zombie drink during Texas weekend and will no doubt start doing a pretty inaccurate Tony Dungy impression.

The main takeaway is, I thought I had everything but there is a definite void and shame in my soul after 3 DNFG Title losses. To my own credit, people forget that in order to have 3 title losses, you have to first make the title 3 times. However, it’s not my lack of ability, but rather my lack of a clutch gene and the whispers of the crowd asking:

       “Are the lights simply too bright for Sew?”

What has brought me comfort is the fact that I am not alone.  Plenty of people in history have been denied 3 consecutive times. 

1. Jesus, by Peter

2. France: whenever any war or conflict of any kind happens

3. Lots of other stuff.

So, as we go into our 7th DNFG season, it is important to know thy enemy. Here are some insights I have gathered this off-season.

Bob: As we witnessed, Bob was married under the rain this summer. This is a famous old Viking omen. I don’t know what it means yet but you should probably name your first kid Bjorn or something. Or whatever the Anglo-Saxon word for “Bob” is.

Baby: Speaking of Bob's wedding, Baby met that cool guy in the cowboy hat that was sharing some of his flasked whiskey. Anyway, I didn't see Baby for like 7 hours after that so maybe we all just flask it this year and try to get that boy distracted as we jingle keys above his fantasy football crib.

Matt Hunt: Told me in confidence this Summer that he has a Mississippi St. themed “ring holder” listed on his wedding registry. It’s hidden on the second row between a “V-bucks Fortnite gift card” and a Mr. Beast hoodie.

Daniel Martin. I’ll say it because no one else will. Graham Martin is officially a Nepo-baby.

-I know he’s very cute and sweet and we’re all happy for Dan. But I’m calling it how I see it. That baby didn’t do anything last year and here I am watching him chew on the trophy with no idea that Jauan Jennings’ TD is now the Marcus Paige 3-pointer in the UNC title loss to Villanova (“Jenkins for the championship”). I wish Graham nothing but the best but I will not shake his hand or look him in the eye until he is a full-grown man.

Mark Gosney: Another newly married man in DNFG. My scouts on the international trip informed me there was a part during the adventurous honeymoon travels where Mark was unaccounted for quite some time. I can only assume he set out to re-create that montage in Batman Begins where Bruce is training with the League of Shadows in some remote mountain sanctuary. But like, for fantasy football.

Bennett: We now go to a different kind of mountain sanctuary. Neece and Baby now both living in Chattanooga is the least surprising life event of all time. By now, Neece has already scouted out some mom & pop local diner where he can read a physical newspaper, call McCallie kids a slur a little too loud in the restaurant, and research the waiver wire like he’s doing the crossword. 

Let’s take in tonight as we embark on another season and partake in the best part of Fantasy Football, the Draft. I asked Zonn what he was going to do for the draft and he said:

“I’ll be at work and I can kinda do whatever I want. I’m definitely going to order some Dominos. They got this pan pizza that isn’t as thick as deep dish and I’m going to get one with extra sauce and extra cheese. I love that shit.”

 And with that, I’m officially on the clock. See you all tonight.