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Prognosticators,
I apologize sincerely for the multiple missed deadlines. It’s been a busy past few weeks at work (see “silicon valley bank” at your local google search) and I let things get away from me.
Rest assured that post today’s Final Four, timely delivery will be made.
In our pool, the stakes are simple. If UConn beats Miami tonight, Daniel “Vegas Lock” Seward will be our champ, surpassing Kaleb “BracketBob” Griffin and Ryan Neal. If Miami wins, BracketBob and Ryan will split the pot (I guess, I don’t know what they’ll decide to do). We must also both admire and pity Andy Brock, our pool’s only sports industry professional, who also took UConn to win it all, but is stuck a mere ten points behind Sew for the rest of the tournament. As Andy himself pointed out, his fatal flaw was probably taking 14 seed Montana State to beat Marquis Nowell and Kansas State in the first round. Tough, Brock.
Now, a summary of how we got here over the last few rounds, and some quick potpourri.
Round 2
Reigning champ Kansas lost to soon-to-be-shirtless Eric Musselman and Arkansas. Arkansas’ win also eliminated our reigning champ, Davis “Mad Hatter” Hatmaker, from repeating, though it’s unclear whether Musselman was made aware that he could also knock out the Mad Hatter by knocking out the Jayhawks. Also out after Kansas lost: Mark “Gauze” Gosney and yours truly.
Elsewhere, 15 seed Princeton managed to make it to the second weekend by beating Missouri. Matt “Starkville” Hunt, who watched Princeton beat his Arizona Wildcats in the first round, noted that he of course wanted to take Princeton to win it all; they just happened to play Arizona first.
Heading into the Sweet Sixteen, BracketBob remained in control with the Mad Hatter and Ryan close behind.
Sweet Sixteen
When Gonzaga and UCLA play each other in the tournament, turn the television on. The Zags and Bruins produced another classic in this year’s Sweet Sixteen. Gonzaga was down 13 at the half, but Drew Timme, who had 36 points and turns 40 this April, was not ready to go home yet. The Zags led a rally in the second half and hit a game winning three with seven seconds left to knock out the Bruins. John “Creelinator” Creel, Conner “Zon” Deck and Jeff “the Coch!” Cochran all took the Bruins to win it all. The Creelinator got some hearty UCLA chants going in our group text, but alas, it was not enough.
Dan Martin was on the top of Jim Nantz’ shit list after round two. But with so many champion picks already eliminated, Dan, who was the only prognosticator in our pool who took Alabama to win it all, might have had a chance in hell. Not so. San Diego State sent Alabama packing Friday night. The Aztecs upset the Tide behind a choking defense that forced six turnovers from Brandon Miller and left him thinking about pending felony charges.
At this point, our statistician center was informing yours truly that our pool’s champ would be either BracketBob, Ryan, or outside candidate Cole “Baby” Wilder. But while San Diego State was celebrating the victory over Alabama, fellow five seed Miami was pulling away on one seed Houston, who Bob, Ryan and Baby took to win it all. Houston tried to put together a comeback, but Miami was too strong, winning 89-75 and roiling bracket pools and betting futures markets everywhere.
Finally, despite a rally late in the game, the Princeton Tigers were defeated by the Creighton Blue Jays, 86-75. I guess Starkville Hunt’s other bracket was busted, too.
Yeah, the Sweet Sixteen was nuts. When the dust had settled, BracketBob and Ryan were tied in first, the Mad Hatter and Sew were tied in second, and the Gauze and Brock were tied in third. But the Mad Hatter and the Gauze were probably out of it. Everything had likely come down to UConn and Texas.
The Elite Eight
Sew and Brock needed UConn to show up Saturday night, and UConn showed up resoundingly. The Huskies dominated Gonzaga end-to-end and held Drew Timme to just 12 points, winning 82-54. BracketBob and Ryan took UConn as well, so there was no change at the top of our leaderboard.
Heading into Sunday, Bob and Ryan were in first with 640 points each, while Sew (570) and Brock (560) were in second and third. Sew and Brock both took Texas, so if the Longhorns could beat Miami, Sew would’ve jumped Bob and Ryan and effectively have become our champ. But (in Chris Berman voice) “not so fast, Pappa.” Jim Shuffleboard Larranaga and the Hurricanes had different plans, knocking off Texas and sending Rodney Terry back to Los Pollos Hermanos.
There is one other pick that needs mention. Our own Hudson “Hudster” Anthony is the only person I know who correctly took San Diego State to the Final Four. I have no idea what tipped the Hudster off, and unfortunately for Hud, he was already out of contention in our pool when the Aztecs won. But the pick nonetheless deserves praise. Nice pick, Hudster.
So, now everything truly comes down to UConn. Alright, I’m getting tired. Time for potpourri.
Potpourri
The Battle of the Mississippi River – The East (497 avg pts) currently leads the West (435 avg pts), and since Brock and Sew are the only ones who can add points from here, this one is decided. All time record: East 2-0 vs West.
The Battle of the Bourgeoisie and Proletariat – This one is still on the line. Teachers’ Union reps and the DNC will be hoping Miami wins tonight, which will keep Public School Graduates (500 avg pts) ahead of Private School Grads (473 avg pts). If UConn wins, Bob can blame me and Jeff for weighing the group down.
Jim Nantz’s Shit List – While I tried to give him his “one shining moment” earlier, this one is going to be Dan, who will finish the tourney with 320 points. Dan couldn’t get the upsets right in the first round, and after Alabama went out, he didn’t really have a chance. Best of luck next year, Dan.
Other Notes – I’m contractually obligated to mention that Sarah once again beat my bracket this year by making picks based on team colors and “general vibe.” What a pisser.
Stay tuned for the post final four newsletter, which will additionally serve as this year’s finale since UConn vs Miami will determine our winner.
Chained to the typewriter, I remain yours,
Neece
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